


Greg's Past

by BrynTWedge



Series: History [2]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gay Sex, Gen, History, Original Character(s), Past Child Abuse, Punk Greg, Teen Lestrade, Teen Pregnancy, Teenage Rebellion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-27
Updated: 2017-10-27
Packaged: 2019-01-25 07:40:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12526352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrynTWedge/pseuds/BrynTWedge
Summary: Greg Lestrade grew up under an abusive father and ignorant mother, and so ended up being the parent to his sister. Once he finally leaves school, he decides to live his own life instead of remaining the parent to his dependant, self-destructive sister. The consequences change his life, and affect him forever.History to Greg's Secret in Part IV of Paths We Walk Together





	1. Childhood

Greg was only eight when he found himself with a child to take care of. His little sister, Sophie. She was three years younger, at five. It had been an innocent enough start to the day: Greg had gotten up, bright and early, ready to enjoy the day off school. Saturdays were always his favourite day because he could play all day and stay up late at night. He, and his sister, of course knew to steer clear of their father once he started drinking. But that was every night, and so nothing special. 

Greg had gone outside to play with his digger toys in the dirt. He didn’t even notice that his father had opened the back door to let his sister out to join him. He certainly didn’t expect his father to just assume he knew she was there, and knew to watch her. Greg had remained oblivious to the situation, as Sophie hadn’t come up to play with him. It was half and hour later when his father called out for them that he realised that Sophie wasn’t there. His father was furious at him, and shouted all kinds of insults his way as they searched for Sophie. 

They noticed the gate was open, and so frantically ran out to see where she’d run off to. They lived on a busy street, and Sophie didn’t have an awareness to keep away from traffic. Greg’s father rounded on him.  
“If she dies, it’s all your fault.” He said with a sneer. 

Greg, just a child himself, believed him. He couldn’t rationalise that if he wasn’t told to she was out there, he couldn’t know to watch her. He just panicked. His heart thrummed so hard in his chest that he could see his shirt flutter to the movement. He wasn’t allowed to leave the premises, and so had to stand and watch his parents look for Sophie down the street. He peered out as far has he could, and tried to tell himself that he couldn’t see a body, and so she’d not been hit. 

Some time later, his parents returned carrying Sophie. She’d actually crossed the busy street, and was running down the adjoining road. Greg sunk into himself. His father was livid, and he knew that he would be punished severely for it. His mother never seemed to notice the punishment anymore. She was always just busy with her work, trying to make a living for the family as his father refused to work himself. Once the man had stopped hitting Greg when he was six, his mother just assumed everything was fine. 

That night Greg stood before his father, his head lowered and expressionless. He knew that any expression would be cause for a reaction from the man. He hated him. His friends at school always talked about the wonderful things they’d do with their dads, and so he learnt quickly that his father was not like that. He never took Greg or Sophie out to play, never took them to their school events, never spent time with them doing anything. He just yelled at them for being around. Greg tried hard not to cry as loud insults were thrown his way. It was hard not to believe them when he was told them so often. ‘Worthless’, ‘irresponsible’, ‘stupid’, ‘idiot’, ‘good-for-nothing’, ‘failure’, ‘selfish’, ‘monster’… they all hung with Greg well after his father went to bed. 

Greg was sent to bed, and so he joined Sophie in their room. He was resentful that his father never seemed to blame Sophie for her actions. Whenever he’d tell either of his parents about a transgression she’d committed, they just seemed to yell at him for some reason. Sophie was never yelled at for doing something; Greg was yelled at for letting her do it. Greg sighed and stroked his sister’s blonde hair gently as she slept.  
“I’m glad you’re still alive.” He whispered before climbing into bed. 

He couldn’t sleep until late. He just kept thinking how it was his responsibility to look after Sophie. How it was up to him to make sure she was alive. He was going to have to raise her. He didn’t know what he was doing… he was only three years her elder… but he didn’t have much choice. Her life had been thrown into his hands. 

~

Greg tried his hardest to be a good big brother to Sophie. But the more their parents enforced the idea that Sophie could do as she liked, because Greg would be there to take the blame and fix the mess… the more she acted out. Greg had stopped questioning why he was taking the blame for everything and just resigned himself that it was just his place.

That was, until, he went to high school. He was separated from Sophie and her antics all day, and he could finally spend time with his mates. He was still of course always on the look out for trouble Sophie might get into, but he accepted the punishment with a lot more salt than he used to. The bitterness of his father’s treatment of him over the years grew… and while he tried not to show it, his father could pick up on it and punished him further. That man was a tyrant, and he liked to enforce his rule. 

As Greg grew, he started to question his status as ‘worthless’ as he’d grown up thinking. It occurred to him that he couldn’t be worthless if he was simultaneously responsible for another life - not by choice. He had some worth, worth enough to care for Sophie. And then that thinking became that he did have worth in himself, and he was stuck looking after his sister. And then eventually… that he was his own person, and resented being responsible for Sophie. 

Sophie had continued to act out. She loved being the bad child, the one to break things, the one to make the other children cry. It had been quite the shock for her to discover that in school, she’d be punished for her actions. But instead of realising that she shouldn’t do them to avoid punishment, she just hated the staff for punishing her. She had shouted at Greg once, ‘how dare they!’, to which Greg had remained silent. Getting into fights with his sister always ended up with a round of torment from his father for making his sister cry. 

So he always had to be the grown-up. Greg hated that he always had to be the mature grown-up. Even when he was just a child, his parents had always told him to ‘act his age’, as if not understanding that being the eldest still meant that he was allowed to act like a normal ten-year-old. Greg hated that he had been forced to surrender a carefree childhood he heard about from his friends, in order to be a parent. 

Sure, it had meant that he’d easily gotten on with children twice his age, and had managed to get along with the teachers well even though his friends caused them never-ending headaches. But he’d not been able to just be a kid. He was forever trying to raise Sophie. Destructive, impulsive Sophie. 

At age fifteen, things were getting rough for his family. His mother hadn’t been able to get the extra day at work regularly, and so the money wasn’t coming in enough. Greg felt responsible to try and make an income, but he couldn’t. He didn’t have a means to get to and from any job he could try and get, and he had to always be around to keep an eye on Sophie. He resented his father for sitting around doing nothing all day but watch TV, all the while telling his mother to go and get a second job. But no one could ever say anything to him. 

Or so he thought. One night, he heard his mother shouting at him. His father was drunk, obviously, since it was eight in the evening - his father started drinking at four. None of the arguments he was shouting really made sense, but they rarely did. Greg had been on the receiving end of enough drunk shouting to know that his father didn’t have any cognitive function left at this time of night. His mother wasn’t as used to it, and was shouting at him for not making any sense. Greg wished he could tell her that for him, he was doing a good job. His father shouting that his mother was ‘selfish and self focused’, whereas he was ‘a broad thinker and could save the world if all the governments would just listen to him’ was coherent. Ridiculous, yes, but coherent. His father had randomly slammed against his door to hold up a bag of oranges and shout at him for eating a sausage roll in the fridge (which he didn’t, and there hadn’t been one there) and therefore could not open the fridge after six pm. 

Sophie was beside him as they listened. If they didn’t want the two of them to hear, then they should have kept the volume down. Greg cringed at hearing the insults his father shouted about him, and Sophie even stroked his arm supportively at the mention of ‘faggot’. Their mother never tried to rebuke any of the insults. She did continue shouting at him that he should go get a job and not just demand that she take two to try keep the family going. 

“Fuck that, Betty! Those idiots out there can’t just listen to me and save the god damned planet, so what’s the fucking point? I’m too qualified for anyone! Places here would just look at my resumé and think fuck, this guy’s so good, he’ll cost a fortune… and not hire me! That’s what’s been happening, you idiot!”  
“It doesn’t have to be a high paying crazy job you’ve envisioned yourself to be entitled to… just something to help pay the bills!”  
“Hey, YOU might be pointless enough to take on such a job, but all that’s BENEATH ME.” 

There was some silence where in the two siblings just looked at each other with sad looks.  
“I wish he’d just go already.” Greg mumbled.  
“Mhm.” Sophie agreed. 

“I’m just trying hard to keep us afloat Roger! I can’t cook, clean, watch the kids AND work two jobs while you sit around watching TV all day!”  
“No! FUCK THIS! I’m sick of you telling me what I have to do in my life. I’m sick of always being tied down by this shithole. I’m gone.” 

Greg’s eyes grew wide and he looked at his little sister with regret. He had just wished it… and it was going to happen. He just wanted to stop being tormented… he didn’t know how it was going to affect them really. He felt scared. 


	2. Living His Life

Since their dad left, Sophie had been more reckless than ever. Greg had tried to focus on his studies, but only enough to pass. He and his friends spent most of their time hanging out. He trusted his two closest ones, Paul and Tom, with his secret of liking boys as well as (honestly, more than) girls. They’d have fun and point out some of the boys playing football who’d take their shirts off. Greg liked being that open with his friends. Yes, he liked the athletic type, but he still couldn’t take his eyes off a couple of the cute boys in the advanced program. Something about their intelligence, meticulous grooming, and mannerisms just made Greg go crazy to want to show them a good time. For him, that usually involved a lot of drinking and some rough sex. He actually hadn’t had sex, but that’s how he most liked to imagine it. He tried not to pay too much thought to the idea of one of those thin, mild-mannered boys standing over him with a riding crop. No, that couldn’t arouse him so much. Not him, the punk. 

Greg found that he was paying less attention to his sister, and more time just being with his mates. He liked fitting in somewhere, and not always being told he was worthless. He, personally, had been enjoying his father’s absence. His confidence had grown tremendously. But so had his neglect (not really ‘neglect’, he told himself, more just lack of interest) of his sister. Greg noticed she’d started spending time with the girls his mate referred to as ‘crazy party bitches’. They didn’t care about their schoolwork, and just spent their time partying with loud music and illegal drinking. Greg didn’t like that Sophie was drinking at only fifteen. Sure, his mates occasionally snuck beer into their gatherings, but he was seventeen when he first started. He was eighteen now, and so could legally buy his own. He tried not to over indulge, but found it too tempting often enough. 

Still… no matter where he was, or what he was doing, he’d always answer the phone for his sister and end up going out to fetch her. She had a notorious habit of getting too drunk, or even lately taking drugs at parties, and then needing help to get home. Greg didn’t trust the friends of hers. They were nasty low-lifes whom didn’t give a shit about Sophie’s well being. He’d come across her once, passed out in the kerb, and her ‘friends’ just standing over her lifeless form chatting and kissing. Greg hadn’t confronted them, since there were eight of them and one of him, but he’d shot a glare in their direction and tried to convince Sophie not to spend time with them. 

Sophie still always refused to listen to him. Greg would call her stupid and idiotic to continue associating with those people, but she would just sneer at him. 

Greg was getting tired of playing the helpful big brother. Sophie wasn’t appreciative of it, and never seemed to be bothered changing her behaviour. His mates were always annoyed at him for leaving their parties early to go get his sister. Greg was as well. The resentment he’d felt since he was a child towards Sophie’s behaviour was getting stronger, and he’d even considered not going to pick her up multiple times. Just to see if that would send the message to her. He’d left her wait an hour once, but she’d not cared. She didn’t have to, right? Greg would always be there to pick her up out of the dirt. 

Their mother didn’t seem to know about what went on while the both of them were out of the house. And, always busy, never bothered to ask. Greg didn’t like lying, and was grateful that he never had to. He would be honest about Sophie’s drinking and drug habits, and he knew that his mother would go on a rampage from it. And even though his father hadn’t been there for three, almost four, years… Greg knew that his mother would come down hard on _him_ for Sophie’s behaviour just like his father would. 

By the end of the year, Greg graduated from school and moved out. He found a house with Paul and Tom to rent, and he got a day job working in a supermarket. Between the three of them, they could afford the rent and utilities fairly easily, and so had enough money to spend on alcohol and parties. Greg enjoyed the freedom of being out on his own. He cooked well, and often found himself cooking for his friends as well. But in return, they drove him about. Greg hadn’t been able to afford a car, even though he’d managed to get his licence while living with his mother. But he’d always used his mother’s car, which he’d had to leave with her. Greg really wanted to buy a motorbike and get his permit for that. 

He spent his days stocking shelves and serving customers with a smile, and his nights fucking strangers. He didn’t care that he didn’t know where he was going. He just enjoyed living in the moment. His mates couldn’t care less when he’d bring home someone to shag, and he didn’t care when they did either. Most of the time they were boys. Greg even got eyebrows tossed his way when he’d bring home a girl for a change. 

One young man had become a frequent visitor. Neither he nor Greg wanted a relationship: it was purely just sex between them. But Greg couldn’t help but get attached. He tried to tell himself that it was stupid, that Alex wasn’t looking for anything more than a fuck buddy, but his heart didn’t listen. Whenever Alex made a passing comment that Greg should get a tattoo, or some piercings, Greg found himself wanting to do so. 

He was still a little scared of his mother’s reaction to such things. She’d tolerated his torn clothing and leather jacket, his chains and cuffs, but she’d been clear about not making permanent changes. So he could dye his hair black if he wanted to, but he couldn’t get a tattoo. He remembered one particularly embarrassing conversation where his mother had informed him that he could wear fishnet stockings and high heels if he wanted, but he wasn’t getting earrings. Of course she’d been exaggerating to make a point against piercings, but it was clearly a hint at his sexuality as well. He’d not really told her much about it. His private life was, well, private. His mother never asked, and he never told. 

Greg occasionally stopped by his mother’s place to check in. Sophie was looking more and more tired, drawn, and sullen. His mother asked him to talk with her to find out what was wrong, since she’d noticed her being more reclusive lately. Greg didn’t say it was obviously drug related. But, true to his word, he’d gone in to try and talk with Sophie. 

“Soph, you seriously have to stop this. It’s killing you. Even Mum’s noticed, and that’s saying something.”  
“I don’t care for your opinion, Greg. You’ve never liked my friends.”  
“Yeah, because they’re all arseholes. They don’t give a shit about you, Sophie.”  
“Brad does!”  
“Who’s Brad?”  
“My boyfriend. You’d know that if you were around more.”  
“I have my life Sophie.”  
“Yeah, I’ve heard. How many blokes have you shagged by now?”  
“None of your business. How do you know about what I’m doing anyway?”  
“You mean _who_ you’re doing? My friends know people. You’re not exactly discreet when you go out to clubs.”   
“Your friends are sixteen, Sophie! They shouldn’t be in clubs!” 

Sophie crossed her arms on the bed and huffed. Greg could instantly tell that she also had been in clubs illegally. He knew about the partying, but he’d assumed it was all just at her dumb friends’ places.   
“Alright, hand it over.”  
“What?”  
“The fake ID. Hand it over before you’re arrested.”  
“None of your business, _Greggy_.”   
“Don’t call me that.” Greg snarled, and stood up from the bed. 

“Fine, do whatever you like. I’m not in control of your life. But you can’t just expect me to be there to save you anymore. You want to live like this? Fine. I’m not gonna be there anymore.”  
“Wh…what?” Sophie said, shocked.   
“You heard me. I’m done. I’m not going to waste my time always picking your sorry arse out of bad situations you keep putting yourself in.”  
“But you can’t…”

Greg felt angry, now. He was just tired before, but now, he was properly angry.   
“I _can’t_?! Like fuck I can’t!”  
“Mum won’t…”  
“Yeah, good luck with that. I don’t care if it means she’s pissed at me, cause it’s not gonna make a whole lot of difference in my life. The only difference will be that I’m free of your shit. I can live my life and enjoy it. Don’t call me.” Greg snapped, and walked out of the room. He heard his sister call out after him as he left, calling him ‘dad’, and it riled him up. But he wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of a fight. 

“How’d it go?” Greg’s mother asked cheerily as he walked past the kitchen.   
“I said what I had to. She’s not gonna change, and so I said I’m done walking behind her.”  
“Greg.”  
“No! Screw this. She wants to ruin her life? Fine. She’s not going to listen to me so she’s going to have to learn the hard way.” 

Greg didn’t give his mother a chance to argue, and left the house. He huddled himself into his jacket against the cold wind, and started walking to the bus stop. In a way he couldn’t believe that he’d actually just done that, but at the same time, he was relieved. Greg pulled out his phone and shot a text to Alex. He needed just something to get his mind off things, and some meaningless rough sex sounded a charm. 


	3. Bad Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: there's half a kinky sex scene in here. I didn't think it was enough to rate the whole work as explicit.

Not a month after his confrontation with Sophie, Greg had managed to save up enough money to buy a motorbike. He felt freer than he ever had before. He wasn’t tied down, never had to worry about being interrupted to head out and collect his sister, and could go wherever he liked as he pleased. He enjoyed the leather of his bike clothes, making him feel older and manly. 

He was on his way to Alex’s. He knew he had to say something eventually, that he liked the boy, but he was afraid to ruin what they had. To keep things exciting, Alex had started introducing a rougher element to their activities: tying Greg up, leather whips, spiked collars… and Greg loved it. He didn’t get to take control as much as he’d like, but that didn’t matter. He could always just go to bars or clubs and find someone there who was interested in being dominated by him whenever the urge came. 

“Greg.” Alex said as he opened the door for Greg.   
“Hey, Alex.”  
Their meetings always started off a little awkward. Greg wanted to chat a little first, and didn’t want to just spring right to the reason he was there. Alex didn’t have much interest in foreplay or small talk, but didn’t want to make Greg uncomfortable at least. 

Greg asked about his day, and talked a little about his own. Before long, they were both in the bedroom snogging. Greg didn’t realise how desperate he was for the touch, and found himself groping Alex through his trousers. The man giggled.   
“Eager today, are we?” He teased, allowing Greg to unzip the jeans and release his member.   
“I want you.” Greg uttered, before kissing him deeply again.   
“You alright?” Alex asked, aware that Greg wasn’t usually this forward. The last time had been when he’d come back from his mother’s place after that conversation with his sister. Alex hadn’t really been all that interested in listening, but he had. He did care for Greg as a person.  
“Fine.” Greg muttered, but in truth he wasn’t. He’d been having nightmares since leaving Sophie to her own devices. Part of him really wanted to check in, and part of him worried that something had happened. Honestly, he’d expected Sophie to just keep contacting him. It was nagging at his mind more than he liked. 

“I need to just forget things. I want you to take me, fuck me hard… make me lose myself in the moment.” Greg spoke seductively above Alex’s face.  
“I can do that.” Alex said with a grin, and began to strip Greg of his clothing. He left the leather wrist cuffs and bracelets on. Greg assisted Alex stripping, and before long, Greg was sprawled out naked on Alex’s bed as the young man hovered over him, a spiked collar on a chained leash in his hand. 

“Well, pet…” Alex spoke, affixing the collar around Greg’s neck. He leant in and bit gently on Greg’s neck. Greg growled in response, and moved to bite in response.  
“Uh uh uh,” Alex tutted, “No biting. I think I’ll have to muzzle you.” 

Greg didn’t actually enjoy being gagged. They’d played with one once, but it was uncomfortable, and Greg felt like he was unable to use their safeword while gagged. He trusted Alex to be attentive to other signs of distress, but still had a dislike for it. But right then, in that moment, he felt like he wanted some punishment. So he bore his teeth and bit the air. Alex raised his eyebrow and smiled, fetching the gag. 

Alex bit and scratched against Greg’s skin, sending tingles of both pain and pleasure through his body. He used the leash to pull Greg up for rough kisses, and then affixed it to the bedhead. Greg could still somewhat look down to see what Alex was doing, but just closed his eyes and threw his head back as Alex encased him with his mouth. Greg grunted and groaned, biting down on the gag, as Alex skilfully fondled his balls and sucked him off. 

As Greg felt the heat pool in his belly, his face flushed, Alex stopped. He then pressed a lubed finger at Greg’s entrance and pushed inwards. His finger slipped in easily, a sign of Greg’s frequent role as the bottom. Alex quickly moved to two fingers, and then three. Greg hissed slightly at the sting of the third finger, but enjoyed the pain. Alex then lubed his cock up, wiped his hand on the bed, and then pushed himself into Greg. 

The noises he made were loud and guttural, and that just turned Greg on more. Greg’s cock remained hard as Alex pounded into him, bouncing up and down against his stomach. Yes… this was what he needed. He couldn’t think of anything but the cock sliding into his body, the pressure the collar put on his neck as he slid along the covers, and the sounds his lover was making. Greg resisted the urge to touch himself, knowing that Alex preferred him to not. His partner could last a long time, and never wanted Greg to finish too early. 

Reality hit Greg hard as his phone started to ring. Greg strained to see where he’d left it, and Alex stopped his thrusts and pulled out to collect it. Greg raised his eyebrow to ask who was calling.   
“Your sister.” Alex groaned, and made to toss the phone away. Greg panicked and shook his head violently.  
“You can’t be serious? You’re here getting your brains fucked out and you want to answer the phone to your sister?”

Greg frowned, but couldn’t explain the anxiety in his gut. His sister rarely had ever called him. It was often just a text message from either her, or her crappy friends, instructing him to collect her. Greg unclipped the gag.  
“Just let me see what it is.”

Alex sighed and handed over the phone.   
“What is it, Sophie?” Greg said, aware that he was panting slightly.   
“Greg… Greg I’m sorry, I know you don’t want me to call you… but I … I’m scared, I don’t know what to do… and I didn’t know who to turn to.”  
“Erg, I thought we agreed that that person wasn’t me anymore! I can’t just go pick you up.”  
“No… no it’s not like that. I … can we meet? Mum’s at work and going out for drinks with Aunty Marge tonight, and so you could come here and she’d not know.” 

Greg frowned to himself. Sophie never asked to meet him. Something must be wrong. He sighed to himself, knowing that he was just falling into the same traps of always being there to catch his sister, but he couldn’t help it. He just couldn’t stay the uncaring ‘bad boy’ his appearance suggested.   
“Fine, Sophie. When?”  
“As soon as possible, please Greg…”  
“Alright. I’ll be there soon.” 

Greg hung up the phone and looked at Alex. He was clearly annoyed.   
“Alex…”  
“Don’t bother.” He stated, and turned away.   
“I didn’t say I’d leave right now…we can still…”  
“What’s the point? You’re clearly not interested anymore. And you’re not gonna be into it when you’re just thinking about your sister.” Alex snapped, indicating to Greg’s flaccid penis.   
“I’m sorry, Alex.”  
“I don’t care.” Alex grumbled, but he was obviously upset. Greg couldn’t really tell if it was because he was being looked over for someone else in Greg’s life, or if he was just annoyed he didn’t finish. Greg knew that this was going to remain an issue between them for some time, and found himself very angry at Sophie for it. 

Greg cleaned himself up and dressed, and left without saying a word. He rode his bike fast and dangerously in his anger, but arrived fairly quickly to his mother’s house. He barged in, and went straight for Sophie’s room.   
“This better be bloody important, Sophie.” Greg shouted as he entered. He knew he shouldn’t be so angry, but he couldn’t seem to control himself.   
“Greg…I… I didn’t expect you’d be here so soon.”  
“Yeah well I couldn’t keep doing what I was while you were in my head.” Greg pouted angrily, and plonked himself down on Sophie’s bed. She seemed to understand what Greg was talking about.  
“I’m sorry.” Sophie said quietly. 

There was a brief silence. Greg noticed how she was anxious, and that she’d been crying. Maybe that boyfriend broke up with her.   
“So, what happened?”  
“I… I’m pregnant.” 

Greg froze. His stomach dropped. He must have been unmoving for a while, because his sister moved closer to him and shook his shoulder gently.   
“What? WHAT?! Are you fucking kidding me?!” Greg shouted, making Sophie jump. She had tears in her eyes.   
“I don’t know what to do. I dunno how to tell mum…”   
“Well I do. Come on, we’ll go to the doctor’s, or some clinic. Get an abortion.” Greg said, leaping to his feet.  
“What? No! I can’t do that!”

Greg stopped in his tracks. He turned around and looked at her.   
“You can’t be serious? You’re sixteen Sophie! You can’t throw your life away because you were stupid enough to mess around and get yourself knocked up!”  
“Who says I’d be ruining my life? I would be a good mum.”  
“Like fuck! You’re a stupid idiotic child! You can’t even be responsible for your own life, let alone another!” Greg shouted defensively. It wasn’t having the effect he was hoping for.   
“I would too! I’m gonna change. No more parties, no more booze and drugs. I have to be good for the little one.”   
“No, Sophie. How else can I say it? You’re fucking SIXTEEN! You’re still in school! You can’t have a kid!”  
“Well, it seems I _can_ , you just think I shouldn’t.”  
“Like hell I think you shouldn’t. No, no if you’re going to be like this then I’m not helping.”  
“But I need someone to turn to! This is gonna be hard, and I know mum’s not going to be happy with me…”  
“Fucking right.”  
“… but I can do this, Greg. I just need a little help.”  
“No. No! I told you to get your act together, and you didn’t. I threatened to stop being there for you if you didn’t, and you still did. I mean this is a pretty god damned fine example of that! Was it that tosser, Brad?”  
“Greg…”  
“No, just tell me. Why isn’t he the one you’re going to, then?”  
“Brad doesn’t know. I’m scared he’ll dump me if he finds out.”  
“Well… if you in your stupid, pathetic mind would realise… if you’re going to keep the baby, you can’t keep this a secret! He’s going to find out eventually, so you’re going to have to tell him. But I have half a mind to drag you to the clinic myself right now.”   
“I don’t want an abortion, Greg.”  
“Then why did you call me? Why try ruin my life with your responsibilities if you aren’t going to listen or accept my help?!” 

Greg knew he wasn’t being reasonable, but he was just too much in shock to register much more than the anger. He paced in a circle in the room while Sophie tried to hold back tears.   
“I just wanted help. To know what to do, to raise it properly… and you basically raised me, so I thought you’d help.”  
“Yeah, and look at the fucking brilliant job I did there! No, I’m not going to do it. If you’re insistent on keeping it, you can do it yourself. I’m not going to help. I told you I wasn’t going to be there for you anymore until you started acting right, and I’m sticking to it. If you decide to change your mind, you can call me. Otherwise, stay away from me. I’m leaving.”  
“Yeah, go… leave… just like dad. You’re just like him, you know? Abandoning family when they need him most!” 

Greg froze and fury pulsed through his veins.  
“I’m… what?!” Greg snarled.  
“You heard. Look at you. You’re shouting at me, you're enforcing _your_ rules on me without a damn of my opinion, and insulting me because I’m not just following you!”  
“This is different! You are ACTUALLY incapable of doing this!”  
“And you’re _actually_ being exactly like him. Abandoning me. Abusing me. You know, you’re so sure that I can’t be responsible mother for this kid, but really… you’re the one that shouldn’t be a father. You’ll be just like him, and ruin their lives too.”

Greg panted in rage and rounded on her. He never would hit her, but he was so very tempted. He just wanted to be intimidating. It was all he could do to stop the hurt showing.  
“I…”  
“You said it yourself! You raised me and you’re obviously ashamed of how I’ve turned out, what makes you think you’d be any better with your own kids, eh?” Sophie shouted, doing all that she could to hurt Greg like he was hurting her. Greg didn’t have anything to respond. 

“I am going to change and do right by this kid. You… you’re just the same. So go. Abandon me. But don’t think that you’re different from him. I hate you just like I hated him, and if you know what’s right, you won’t inflict your evil upon another generation.” Sophie snapped.  
“You make the choices, you deal with the consequences.” Greg said through gritted teeth. Sophie’s words had stabbed him in the chest, and he was trying not to break down and cry in front of her. He had to leave. He stormed out of the building and hastily got on his bike. If he was riding dangerously on his way there, it was nothing to the way he rode on the way home. 

Greg parked at their flat, and ran into his room. He was shaking, panting, and his chest was on fire. He’d not been able to breathe properly since leaving his mother’s place. He curled up in bed and wrapped his arms around himself. He cried. Quietly at first, but then he let himself go and he wound up screaming into his pillow. Everything Sophie had said to him was true. He _was_ just abandoning her, like his father had. He _did_ just try and enforce his rules on her. He _had_ failed in raising Sophie. She was right. He shouldn’t ever be a father. He couldn’t risk repeating himself onto his own children, falling into the same habits as his father had, and creating such broken miserable lives. And that thought broke his heart.


	4. Change

Greg had been withdrawn since he’d come home that day. His mates were confused, and asked him what had happened, but he’d said nothing. Alex had contacted him twice, but he’d ignored it both times. He just got up, went to work, cooked dinner for the house without eating much himself, and then went to bed. He knew his mates were concerned about him, but they never said anything. 

The world just seemed different. He didn’t find enjoyment going out and fucking random blokes anymore. He didn’t even like going out, at all. He wanted to keep himself away from people. He believed it better that way. He couldn’t help but think that he was doing the world a favour by keeping his evil away from it. Greg continued drinking, though. He bought alcohol and took it back home to drink. It no longer became for enjoyment, but rather to cope with his own mind. And he didn’t lose sight of the fact that it was exactly like his father. That only made him hate himself more, but he couldn’t seem to stop. 

Greg didn’t know what to do with his life. For the first time, he was thinking of the future… and he was lost. He’d been so wrapped up in gaining his freedom, and just enjoying himself, he hadn’t thought about where he was headed. But now those thoughts were inescapable, and plagued him through the night. He wondered how Sophie was doing, and if she’d actually gone and gotten an abortion. But deep down he knew she wouldn’t have. She seemed very determined to keep it. 

Honestly, he had expected his mother to call him. Even if it was just to yell at him. But he imagined that after Sophie told her what went down, she decided to just let him go. She had endured enough from his father, and didn’t have a reason to keep another one just the same in her life. Greg couldn’t help but feel deeply hurt by not having his mother there for him anymore; he never wanted that, he just wanted to be able to live his life without always being responsible for Sophie. A child he never had a say in being responsible for in the first place. And he just hated himself more because he knew that the horrible lonely feeling he felt was what Sophie was feeling from his abandonment. 

Greg spend most of his nights crying silently to himself, or just laying motionless wishing he could cry. He hated being alone. Truly, deeply, hated it. His mates just left him be without a word, and he was upset that they didn’t care enough to check on him. He felt rejected by Alex who hadn’t bothered to try harder to contact him. For the first time in his life, he felt alone. He had no one to turn to. And he felt like he deserved that crippling fear and pain after having done it to himself and to Sophie. 

He accidentally bumped into Aunt Marge in the supermarket once. He’d been glad to see a familiar face, but knew from her expression that she was not happy with him. Greg never really knew how much Margret knew about his life… he didn’t know what her relationship with his mother was exactly, and didn’t know how much his mother told her. Hell, he didn’t know how much his mother knew about his life either. 

“So, how’s life alone, then, Greg?” She asked him with a hidden sneer.   
“I hate it.” Greg responded honestly, letting himself droop. She seemed to soften her stance against him.   
“You can always make amends, you know.”   
“I can’t go back to how things were. I … I can’t be that person anymore, Aunty Marge. And it’s better for them if I keep away.”  
“Oh, dearie, no. Family is always better together.”  
“Not in this case, I fear.” Greg responded, not wanting to say that he was just like his father and thus not part of the family anymore.  
“Well, if you want it, Greg, it’ll happen.”

Greg didn’t respond, but didn’t have much of a chance to continue the conversation as she walked away. His heart sank, and he returned to stocking the shelves. Alone. 

~

Two more months passed in a daze for Greg. Nothing changed about his routine. Tom had approached him and suggested that he go to a doctor, or try find some form of professional help. Greg had snapped at him, and then felt ashamed afterwards for lashing out at someone that cared about him. It only strengthened his resolve that he was his father, and shouldn’t ever have children or a family of his own. And that just made him more depressed. 

After a long day, Greg came home and flopped on the bed. He’d prepared enough the previous night for leftovers for Paul and Tom, but didn’t want anything himself. He just wanted to sleep. His phone buzzed, and he saw a text appear. He grabbed it and saw that it was Sophie.

**\- Greg, people have been following me. I don’t feel safe.**

**** Greg was glad to be contacted again, but felt hurt that it was just for the same old reasons. Protecting his sister. It was like that was all he was good for, and so he tossed his phone away without responding out of resentment. He did care about his family still, he’d never be able to stop that, but he didn’t like being only cared about when he was useful to them in some way. Neither her nor his mum had contacted him to see how he was going. His phone then rang. Sophie. 

“Greg, there’s people stalking me and I’m scared.”   
“Why are you calling me, Sophie?”  
“Because you’re the only one I can trust…please, help me.”  
“Just go home, Sophie. You’re being paranoid. Drugs do that to you, remember?”  
“I’m clean! Seriously… I don’t have anyone else to call.”  
“Call mother.”  
“She’s not here, she’s been sent away for work.”  
“Call Margret.”  
“Marge’s gone with her.”

Greg huffed to himself. ‘Work outing’, yeah, right.   
“I don’t know what you want from me, Sophie. You made it clear you’re old enough to make your own decisions.”  
“Greg… please…” Sophie began to sob. Greg’s heart lurched, but he remained true to his word.   
“No. I’m just another Dad, aren’t I? Abandoning you. So just go home.” Greg sneered, attempting to make Sophie realise the hurt her words had caused.   
“I’m trying.”  
“Good.” Greg said, and hung up. He still had a nagging feeling in his gut, but he ignored it. She had to make her own decisions and realise the consequences of them. Greg curled up and tried to sleep. He’d had enough of being awake today. 

A few hours later, Greg awoke to his phone ringing. He groaned and reached out for it, expecting Sophie to be bothering him. But it was from an unknown number. He frowned to himself, and answered.   
“Hello?”  
“Greg Lestrade?”  
“Speaking.” Greg stated, suddenly worried. 

He listened in silent shock as the woman on the phone said that his sister was in the hospital, after having been attacked. They wanted him to come in immediately, as he was the only family member available. He didn’t argue, just stated that he’d be there as soon as possible. 

He frantically dressed himself and ran out the door, not caring if his housemates knew where he was going. He got on his bike and drove to the hospital, glad that there wasn’t much traffic that late at night. 

Upon arrival, he was given the talk over about Sophie’s injuries and what had happened. Greg listened, still in shock over it all. His sister was still unconscious, but they had managed to fix her up alright. The attack had been brutal, resulting in a concussion, broken ribs, stab wounds to the abdomen, and lots of minor cuts and bruises. He was informed that the baby had not survived. 

Greg took a moment to steel himself before going in to see Sophie. He couldn’t stop feeling the guilt that it was his fault. He’d just put her fears down to the paranoia she felt when taking drugs. He’d just assumed there was no danger. And this had happened. And he felt like a monster for being glad the baby didn’t survive. 

He sat in the seat by her bed for hours, just looking at her. She looked pitiful.  
“I’m sorry, Sophie.” Greg uttered quietly, the first words he’d spoken since arriving. Their mother was still an hour away, and Greg hoped that Sophie wouldn’t wake up until she was there. He was disappointed, however, when he saw his sister stir. Greg called for the nurse, and stepped away. He wasn’t sure if his face was the best thing for her to first see upon waking up. He certainly didn’t want to be the one to tell her about the baby. 

The doctor ushered him out of the room, and he sat by the door waiting. He heard a wail, and a scream, and he knew that the doctor must have told her. Not long after, the doctor was back out in the corridor saying he could go in and talk to her. Greg nodded, and tentatively slid back inside. 

Sophie looked defeated. She was still bruised and bloody, but she had such a hurt and sad look on her face. Greg approached slowly, not knowing what to say.   
“The baby’s gone.” Sophie said dejectedly, not even looking up to Greg.   
“I know.”  
“Bet you’re pleased with yourself.” Sophie spat.   
“At least you’re ok,” Greg said cautiously, “Do you know who attacked you?”  
“My ex friends. I told you, I was being good. I told them I didn’t want to see them anymore, I tried to make a good life for my baby. I studied. I stopped drinking and drugs and all that nonsense. I … I was doing well. Mum was proud.”

Greg was stunned. He knew Sophie had no reason to lie right now, and so was impressed that she had managed to do that all on her own. And a white-hot rage burnt inside him knowing who it was that did this to her. 

“You… you’ll get through this, Sophie. And you can keep making yourself a better person and one day you’ll be ready to have a kid.” Greg said, hoping to sound supportive. Sophie didn’t take it that way.   
“I was ready! Go on, say it… I know you’re happy my baby is dead. Say it.”   
“I… I won’t lie, Soph. I do think it’s for the best…” Greg said, knowing how it sounded.   
“I knew it. Keep away from me, you cruel heartless bastard.”  
“I’m only trying to think of your life and future…”  
“No, you don’t care about me, _DAD.”_  
“I do, really…”  
“GET OUT!” Sophie shouted, and aroused the attention of the nurses nearby. Greg lifted his hands to her in submission. He said nothing, and backed away from her. He then ran from the ward. 

It was raining, and so he decided it was best for him to cool off before riding out. He didn’t want to end up in a bed beside Sophie. So he sat outside the hospital in the rain, smoking. It calmed his nerves, but didn’t stop the pain inside. 

It was his fault. Sophie had been doing well, and he’d let her down. Not only that, but she’d reached out to him and he’d ignored her. Greg couldn’t stop thinking how he was impressed at his sister for _finally_ taking control of her life, and how it only happened once he was out of the picture. It seemed everyone was better off without him around. He couldn’t deny the things shouted at him, he couldn’t deny being a horrible person like his father. He couldn’t deny that he should never have children… just look at how well Sophie was doing without him. The evidence just pointed at him being the one to screw up her life. He wanted to just stay away, from them and anyone else, even if it hurt him so very deeply to be alone. It seemed to be for their own good. 

As hurt as he was by Sophie’s reaction, and the realisations that followed, he couldn’t stop the rage he felt inside himself at those friends of hers for doing this to her. Just because she wanted to make a better life for herself and her baby, they do this to her? No. He had to make them pay. He wanted to track them down and … bring them to justice. Even in his rage, he couldn’t see that beating them up like they had done to Sophie would do anything. It’d make him just as bad as them. He knew he was a monster like his father, but he wasn’t going to go that far. But he had to do something. 

And that was when he realised. For the first time in his life, he had a passion to do something. He always had an innate sense of responsibility, right and wrong, that he tried to impart onto Sophie… but now he felt responsible to make right the wrongs he saw around him. He wanted to find those bastards and put them behind bars for what they did. 

He left the hospital with a new resolve. He was going to make something of himself, to follow this passion he felt. He wanted to be important, to make a difference. He might not be able to care for people intimately, but he could do it legally. Protect people from the horrible things other people could do. He was going to be a police officer. 

~

Three years later, Greg was on the force. He’d not really spoken to his family much at all since his mother had called about Sophie while in the hospital. He told them it was better for them if he kept away. He’d enjoyed his new-found purpose, but he was still lonely. He hated it. 

He reached out to his mother, to apologise for his behaviour. She, thankfully, was willing to accept his apology and have him back in her life. Sophie was still doing well, having graduated school and was headed off to university to study business. Greg still felt like he couldn’t talk to her, but he was glad to know she was going ok. 

His mother, and Margret, seemed happy he’d let go of his punk lifestyle. He didn’t tell them much about when he got home, how he’d still wear the same clothing as before when off the clock. But it didn’t matter. He spent the day as a well dressed officer of the law, and his mother was proud of him. And Greg was grateful to not have that emptiness in his life anymore. Even if he still felt alone, at least he wasn’t _missing_ anymore. 

Greg had remained unwilling to return to his previous lifestyle of shagging strangers at bars and clubs. In fact, he barely went out to clubs anymore. He still loved to go out for a pint at a bar, and there’d often be a few people who’d catch his eye, but he kept to himself. He didn’t want to inflict himself upon someone else, not when he was finding himself in want of companionship as well as sex. 

He’d also found that being labelled ‘gay’ while on the force wasn’t as thrilling as he’d expected. He never thought it would be fine with everyone, but he didn’t quite anticipate the treatment to be as bad as it was. So he tried to keep any thoughts of men to himself when chatting with his friends on the job, and joined in with their objectification of women to just fit in. 

He knew that eventually, one day, he’d find a woman he liked enough to even maybe marry. But he always came back to the thoughts of his father, and wondered what woman would want him when he was like that, and more importantly: what woman would want to marry him and not have children? He still loved kids, but he was always still too afraid to think about having his own. His past had traumatised him enough to just steer clear of it. 

In the mean time, Greg managed to have a few secret relationships with men. It was just … safer for him. He was more comfortable with men, even despite the secrecy that had to be involved. And there wasn’t a chance for accidental pregnancies. 

He re-connected with Sophie a few years later, and did his best to be as supportive as he could be… without sacrificing his own life. After all that time, and all that had happened, he found he was finally able to balance that out. Sophie not being so utterly dependant on him was, of course, helpful. After so much crap, and so many years, things were starting to work out alright. 


End file.
